Sweet Valley Diaries

Book #59: IN LOVE AGAIN with guest reader Libbie Hawker

Todd is back, tell a friend

So, Liz and Todd are IN LOVE AGAIN, and all is right with the world...except for the fact that Todd goes to school an hour away with snobs, they're both too infatuated with one another to keep up with their commitments, and it's about to be Snobs vs Slobs (yes, somehow Sweet Valley is the slobs) in the big Battle of the Schools! Not to mention, Courtney Kane is back, and she's pissed! Author (and OG Gladiator!) Libbie Hawker helps walk us through this morass.

 

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Extra Drama #23: Welcome to Hometown Honeys [Podcast Bonus Ep]

This might be a back-door pilot to a new podcast about people you knew and/or dated in college.

Are Steven, Enid, and everyone else in Sweet Valley right about long-distance being a bad idea? Do these rules only apply to 16-year-olds? What is a "hometown honey?" Mary Kate Wiles and Marissa discuss all of these questions, and concretely answer only one of them.

Super Edition #1: PERFECT SUMMER

Technically summer doesn't start until next week, but here at the Diaries, summer break is in full effect...and it's PERFECT. In this special between-seasons episode Marissa and guest-friend Alex Bishop dig into the series' first SPECIAL EDITION novel. Are you ready to bike a major chunk of the California Coast with nothing more than a couple of saddle bags and a heap of moxie? No? Well, neither were the Wakefield Twins et al, but they did it anyway, and lived to tell the tale (but just bear-ly). 

MARISSA'S NOTES:

• Apologies for missing the obvious "Barry"/"Bear-y" puns during the BOYS section of the show.
• This episode marks the advent of the "COLLINSWATCH" segment.
• I don't think "Seafoodwatch" will have the same staying power, but you never know!

Sweet Valley Diaries Podcast Episode 8: HEART BREAKER, with Russ Nickel

Now that all that coma/personality swap/assault unpleasantness is behind us, let’s get back to what really matters in Sweet Valley: the beach, boys, and miscommunications involving suntan lotion. Marissa is joined by Russ Nickel, funny guy, writer and former beach boy (not the singing kind…though he does sing a lot in this episode).

This is the book about Bill Chase giving Dee Dee Gordon surfing lessons, some sexy Todd-interloper named Patsy, and the school play, Splendor in the Grass. 

For the original book recap of HEART BREAKERS, click here.

 

Sweet Valley Diaries #6: DANGEROUS LOVE (aka the one with the motorcycle)

Strap on your hot pink crash helmet! Just after Valentine’s Day comes a tale to warm the heart and then chill it so fast that it bursts and ruins your freezer. Pop culture lover and all-around funny gal Denise Boylan joins Marissa to unpack this tale of private jealousy, romantic gestures, and innuendo. Hot Clam Special, anyone?

 

 

RETRACTION:

In this episode I make some slightly incorrect assertions about someone named Jack Kerr, star of Dawson's Creek. There is no such person. But I wasn't too far off: Kerr Smith, who played Jack on the Creek, was 26 when the show started, not 32. Jack Kerr, in contrast, was a hockey player who died on Feb 16, 1933 at the age of 69. Freaky fact: the day after this episode goes live is the 85th anniversary of his death. I had never heard of him before writing this retraction.

The original 2006 blog post about DANGEROUS LOVE is behind this curtain.

 

"Sweet Valley Confidential" Part 1: The Big Thing

SUPER SPOILER ALERT!!

The progression of Sweet Valley Diaries through its chronological examination of Sweet Valley and the Wakefield Twins has come to a screeching halt. Our very timeline has been turned on its head. The ‘80s are long past, the ‘90s (or was it the ‘00s?) have been virtually skipped over, and we’ve been launched into the present, face to face with our young heroines as not-quite-as-young adults. In adult situations.

We now live in a world where Sweet Valley Confidential is a reality.

There is a lot to say about this new book, written by Francine Pascal herself for an audience of now-adult Sweet Valley fans. It’s not an adult novel, per say, though there is a little forbidden fruit hidden within, but it is certainly grown-up, mostly freed from the idyllic mise-en-scene of flawless California girlhood. In fact, it starts far away from sunny Sweet Valley, on the other coast, in a worn and lonely New York City apartment that belongs to Elizabeth. Jessica, the ersatz “runaway,” is thousands of miles away, still at home in Sweet Valley. And Liz has no interest in being any closer. She is really, really pissed. And, finally, it’s at Jessica.

Starting the book here, with both an emotional and geographical rift between the twins, is a little bit genius. The crisis of having the stars of the series on non-speaking terms is both maddening (readers will keep turning pages until the problem is solved) and sort of satisfying (wasn’t it about time Liz got really, truly angry with Jessica about something?). Of course it would take a truly epic wrong on Jessica’s part to drive Elizabeth that far. What was it?

I shudder to relive the awful realization: Jessica and Todd have fallen in love. Ugh. 

The details of this “ultimate betrayal” is revealed to us little by little as the book unfolds, so I was able to hold out hope for a while that it was all a misunderstanding. But not for too long. The whole sordid tale is told from multiple perspectives, through an unusual mixture of third-person narrative in the present (just as in the original series) with first person accounts, diary-style, from a past version of Elizabeth, Jessica, and sometimes Todd. It’s all pretty complicated, but it involves Jess and Todd falling for each other and then breaking it off because they felt awful, an unknowing Elizabeth and Todd getting engaged, Jessica getting married to some rich guy as a kind of escape, Jessica leaving this guy behind in France to come home to her sister and Todd, and ultimately, Elizabeth finding out that her two favorite people once had an affair behind her back. And now they’re in love.

I told you it was complicated.

For me, this central plot point is the book’s biggest flaw. Jessica and Todd? It’s not that they always hated each other – that kind of animosity could turn into passion, I get it. And the fact that they slept together is both awful and delicious. But in love? These two hated each other because the had irreconcilable world views, because of their defining character traits. If these are still the characters we knew from Sweet Valley High, a romance between the smart, commitment-loving Todd and the boy-crazy, self-centered Jessica just doesn’t make sense. At least not as a long-term thing. But we are supposed to believe that the two are truly in love.

I know there are many who disagree with me here, but when I found out this book was going to be written, I really wanted to see Elizabeth and Todd together forever. Now that I’ve read the book, I kind of hate Todd, and Jessica seems unfamiliar to me (the Jessica that leaves her new husband in France I recognize, but this girl who can’t leave Todd? Nope.). As I go back to my Sweet Valley High novels, it is with the knowledge of the cast’s future, and this prescience will likely color my views on what happens in the series from here on. Now, most of us don’t spend our free time reading young adult pulp novels from the 1980s, so this crisis of awareness is less significant. But with Todd’s return to Sweet Valley imminent, I doubt I’ll find it quite as riveting now that I know he’s a total asshole.

There’s more, of course, much more. But we’ll save that for next time. 

23. Say Goodbye

Can Elizabeth survive the heartbreak of losing Todd?

"I don't care how far away he is – I'm not going to let this move destroy the wonderful thing we have together!" - Elizabeth, p. 14 When I last left you, it was with a warning: Tragedy was coming. And sure enough, behind the cover of Book 23 there lurked a fate worse than the many deaths, comas, drug overdoses, and car crashes we've already seen in Sweet Valley, CA. That's right. Todd is moving to Vermont. If those of you who, like myself, suffer from a deranged obsession with Todd and Elizabeth can compose yourselves, we'll continue. If I could have draped this entry in a black veil, I would have, but I can only assume there are a handful of sane readers out there who'd like to read something more than a tearful epitaph to Sweet Valley's perfect relationship. Besides, Liz and Todd don't really break up. You see, their love is strong enough to support a long distance relationship...OR IS IT? This conundrum is the primary focus of Say Goodbye. Todd and Elizabeth are steadfast in their commitment not to see other people while they're apart, but in that conviction they're at odds with the popular wisdom of their friends and families, who feel that such an agreement might be unhealthy. And then there's Jessica, who is convinced that having boring Todd out of her life will be the best thing that ever happened to Elizabeth. Hmmm…I smell trouble. After Todd's departure, Elizabeth spends most of her time writing him letters and waiting for him to call (the pair are amusingly concerned with the amount of money the calls will cost…remember land lines?). Enid, the Wakefields, Mr. Collins…everyone is very worried about the depressed Liz. Jessica is able to leverage this concern into a date for her sister. She asks Mr. Collins to give Liz a special newspaper assignment to "take her mind off Todd" and then convinces Nicholas Morrow that it would be a great idea for him to escort Liz to the special assignment, which just happens to be a sailboat race that Nicholas is competing in. Perhaps you recall from the scandalous Book 14 that Nick is in love with Liz, so his heart jumps at the prospect of a Todd-free Sweet Valley, especially when Jessica tells him that his chances with Liz look good. A little fib, Jess thinks, that will help the two fall in love. And handsome, rich Nick is so much better than boring, absent Todd. Now, you and I both know that Liz wouldn't normally fall for such a stunt, but her initial resolve to remain "just friends" with Nicholas is broken down as more and more time passes without hearing from Todd. He's not available for her calls and doesn't return them, and he hasn't written in a week or so. Liz becomes convinced that he must have forgotten her. Little does she know, Jessica told Todd over the phone that she was concerned about Liz, and that Liz might be better off without the anchor of commitment tied around her neck. Yikes! Todd tries to keep his distance, worried that he's being unfair to Liz by expecting her to stay faithful to him. While I naturally bristled at any assertion by the Sweet Valley populous that Liz and Todd should not be as good as married forever no matter the distance until death and possibly even after death in true romantic fashion, *deep breath*, we all know that long-distance relationships are not often advisable, particularly between sixteen year olds. At the outset of Say Goodbye, Todd and Liz feel like they're up against the world, with friends and family alike discouraging their love (which is partially true). But as long as we're taking things more seriously than sanity warrants (a particular theme of this blog, to be sure), allow me to point out the less obvious inner conflict that underlies and supports the outer conflicts in the story. While general concern and Jessica's plots stand in the way of Todd and Liz's relationship, the two are each having an inner battle, trying to find a balance between what's right and what's comfortable. Elizabeth feels guilty for even having fun with Nicholas, and when she finds out he's still in love with her, she warms to the thought of having someone to hold hands with and hug all the time. But even after she convinces herself that Todd has moved on, she has to talk herself into dating Nicholas by reminding herself how great he is. But the moment she sees Todd again, she realizes that she was kidding herself, and that she'd never stopped loving him. Oh, yes. You read that correctly. Todd comes back. When, at the start of Chapter 12, I read the words "Todd Wilkins" and "turned his father's car down the familiar streets of Sweet Valley," I nearly fell off the treadmill. Did I mention I read this book on a treadmill? He'd been gone for, like, two weeks! And, get this, he says to himself, "It's the same old neighborhood, but it feels so different." WHAT?! TWO. WEEKS.  After the initial shock, my heart rate shot up about ten points when I realized that Liz and Nicholas were at Lila's party together...and that's where Todd was headed! Oh no! They'll break up forever! When Todd sees Liz with her head on Nick's shoulder, he runs out of the party and causes a scene. Never fear, dear readers. Liz finds Todd in his old backyard, and they make out hardcore. Also they finally talk to each other, thank God. They decide that their love is strong enough to keep them together, but that the pressure of rules like "no dates ever" is too much to handle. They need to have their "own separate lives" and Todd tells Liz, "we've got to let our hearts be our consciences." Hmmm. Interesting. Very wise… For all the bonehead moves Liz and Todd pull in their relationship, it turns out that they're pretty smart. Or at least, that's how this book ends up. Who knows what will happen next month. But in the end, the decisions Todd and Elizabeth make are the healthiest for all parties, and for once, they are able to set a good example for couples everywhere. In fact, if you know any teenagers (or maybe even adults) who are broken up about dealing with long-distance love, I genuinely think this book might help. But be prepared to explain what "long distance phone bill" means.

6. Dangerous Love

“Are Elizabeth and Todd headed for disaster?”

Elizabeth and Todd are the perfect couple. They love each other intensely, they passionately want each other to succeed, and each one loathes the thought of disappointing the other. If you ignore the pesky facts that Todd despises his girlfriend’s twin sister and Elizabeth loses her cool at the mere presence of another girl in Todd’s line of sight, you have yourself a relationship so mature that its occurrence between two high-schoolers is laughable. But I am willing to accept it, because I am a hopeless romantic type, and I need a solid, passionate, trusting relationship in my teen melodramas to keep me from tearing my hair out. 

What I’m trying to say is, I am obsessed with Todd and Elizabeth. 

For me, this has some historical precedence. I was always rooting for Dawson and Joey, and I stopped watching 90210 when Dylan and Brenda broke up (I was way too young to be watching that show! But no one could stop me…), and I didn’t think it was that weird that Cory and Topanga got married in college. Even my Barbie doll story line had a solid, romantic couple at its core – Courtney and Kevin (What? You’re telling me your Barbies didn’t have a story line?). I think this penchant for committed romances is what allowed me to get caught up in Book 6, Dangerous Love. It’s all about Todd and Elizabeth, and we finally see Elizabeth facing a somewhat believable dilemma.

Todd has saved up for quite sometime to buy the motorcycle of his dreams, but Elizabeth has trouble sharing his excitement, as her parents forbade her and Jess from riding on motorcycles long ago, after a cousin was killed in an accident. Elizabeth, curiously enough, doesn’t bother discussing the matter with her parents.  But she also keeps this information from Todd for quite some time, stupidly making excuses not to ride. It’s clear that she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. He bought her a cute crash helmet! Come on! 

Of course, eventually Elizabeth does take a ride, egged on by – what? Can you guess? – that’s right, Fear of Losing Him. When other girls start getting rides from Todd while Liz is stuck driving the Fiat home alone, Liz gradually cracks, breaking the rules in the name of love or jealousy (and also because Jessica has left her at the dance without a ride. Oops.).  Her punishment is swift and terrible: she ends up in a coma. That’s right, upon making her first ever mistake, Liz is in an ironic car accident with the very jerk Todd had just agreed to sell his bike to. It’s all just too much.

Still not enough, however, for our author. This book ends with the most asinine cliffhanger in history: Will Elizabeth live or die?? Tune in next time to find out!

Ditto.

(Looking for the 2018 podcast episode about this book? Click here to motor at high speed into a new era.) 

5. All Night Long

“Is Jessica as grown-up as she thinks she is?”

Everything about the cover of Book 5 screams “'70s porno”: the buxom blonde with a coy smile, the X-rated title, and, most of all, the leading man’s sexy disco mustache. But if you’re a fan of '70s porno, you should probably steer clear of this one, lest its disappointing tameness, well...disappoint you.

Basically, the story here is simple. Jessica and Elizabeth need to study for a tour-guide qualification exam, but instead of studying, Jessica is planning to sneak out of the house for a beach party with the lecherous Scott. Elizabeth doesn’t approve. She tells Jessica he’s “too old” for her, but we know that what really bothers her about Scott is the creepy way he behaves—shamelessly looking Elizabeth up and down when he meets her, referring to the twins as “double the fun,” and don't get me started on the drunken party he and his cool college friends once held in which they put out mattresses instead of chairs. Convincing argument against his character, no? Yet, somehow Elizabeth keeps these observations from her sister. 

This perplexed me at first, but then I realized: in Sweet Valley talk, “too old” does mean “too much of a sexual predator”. Jessica talks about being able to “handle anything,” but she’s really trying to assert that she’s sexually mature enough to handle whatever Scott – or any other man – throws at her. I could go on about how obviously untrue this assertion is on her part (see Book 3!), but I’d rather just make this point: For the giant role sex has thus far played in the SVH books, the word has never been uttered. “Sexy,” yes; “sex,” no.

As All Night Long rounded Chapter 7, the “night” in question had played itself out, and I was honestly beginning to believe that the worst was over for Jessica and Elizabeth. Clearly, this was wishful thinking of the most foolish variety. How, I now ask with crystal-clear hindsight, did I expect the remaining 58 pages of the book to unfold? With one or two playful adventures, completely devoid of heart-wrenching catastrophe? Stupid, stupid, STUPID. 

What happens when Jessica doesn’t show up for breakfast the following morning is a long story. About 50 pages long. And it involves Elizabeth and her perfect boyfriend Todd (expect more about them in our next installment) getting into what is surely the first of many fights that basically go like this:

TODD: Elizabeth, you are letting your bitch-ass sister take advantage of you. Stop covering her shit! 

LIZ: Todd! That’s my sister you’re talking about! My  twin sister! You just don’t understand!    I hate you forever, dick!

At which point I become totally fed up with this story and begin praying for its swift ending, which is, of course, happy. Next time, I’ll remember to expect less from these books, and life will be much sweeter.

Looking for the podcast episode about book 5? Click here to warp back to the future.

1. Double Love

“Share the continuing story of the Wakefield twins and their friends –their laughter, heartaches, and dreams.”

As an introduction, Double Love sets one thing straight:

Jessica Wakefield is a bitch. 

Sorry, Jess, but there’s no other way to put it. Todd Wilkins, the new boy in school, doesn’t interest her in the least, until she realizes that he’s not interested in her either— with this she cannot cope. So she wigs out and pulls a major “if I can’t have you, no one can.” As if that weren’t enough, the “no one” in this case is her own twin, Elizabeth. She’s totally into Todd, but because of Jessica’s scheming, Liz thinks that Todd’s after her twin. Ever the obliging doormat, Liz stifles her broken-heartedness and actually tries to be happy for Jessica! Come on. COME ON! It is only book one though...Elizabeth only had 130 pages to figure out that Jessica is a soulless liar :).

 I suppose only time will tell if the extremes of Jessica’s selfish, bratty bimbo and Elizabeth’s studious, conscientious good-girl will even out as the series continues. The truly weird thing is that it seems that we readers are not supposed to pass judgement on either of them, but just to accept that they are different, but both great. What makes them so great? I have a feeling it’s the fact that they’re really pretty. When the book starts, the first thing we learn about Jessica is that she’s “about the most adorable, most dazzling sixteen-year-old girl imaginable.” The only trait that sets Liz apart is the “tiny beauty mark” on her left shoulder. Pages 4-182 are devoted to their inner differences, but rest assured, the first 3 are where the heart of the Sweet Valley series really lies.

Editor's note: Are you looking for the 2017 podcast episode on Double Love? Click here to rocket into the future!