Sweet Valley Diaries

Book #59: IN LOVE AGAIN with guest reader Libbie Hawker

Todd is back, tell a friend

So, Liz and Todd are IN LOVE AGAIN, and all is right with the world...except for the fact that Todd goes to school an hour away with snobs, they're both too infatuated with one another to keep up with their commitments, and it's about to be Snobs vs Slobs (yes, somehow Sweet Valley is the slobs) in the big Battle of the Schools! Not to mention, Courtney Kane is back, and she's pissed! Author (and OG Gladiator!) Libbie Hawker helps walk us through this morass.

 

Gotta Grow Up Sometime podcast

More on Swans Crossing

HawkerBooks.com

 

Book #44: PRETENSES w/guest reader Katie LaDue [Podcast]

Basically just a fancy word for "LIES"

Cara and Steven grace the outside of PRETENSES, and they are certainly featured on its inside. But Marissa and her return guest, Steven Wakefield romance specialist Katie LaDue, agree that this is really is really Abby Richardson's story. Who is Abby Richardson? Listen to find out; then feel free to immediately forget as she drifts back into the sundrenched scenery.

 

Further reading:

This is the Eric Andre movie Katie's talking about

Book #39: SECRET ADMIRER w/guest reader Megan Collier [Podcast]

Kirk is a jerk. Neil is for real.

Not sure which Book 39 the rest of you read, but Marissa and her guest, Megan Collier, read the version where Penny Ayala has a crush on Elizabeth, Neil Freemount (FREEMOUNT!) has eyes for Kirk Anderson, and Jessica and Lila both learn their lesson for good this time. It's pure fantasyland over here. 

 

Some music in this episode by Purple Planet. Thanks!

Book #35: OUT OF CONTROL with guest reader Sam Brandt [Podcast]

"This incident serves as a plot device to illustrate Aaron’s short temper."

Marissa is joined by her friend, geography scholar and fellow University of Chicago alumnus Sam Brandt, for history's most erudite discussion of fictional teen Aaron Dallas and his soccer/divorce-related emotional problems. But more importantly: this is the Tofu-Glo Book!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fan Fiction Tide Over! "Sweet Valley High: 40 and Fabulous"

I promise I'm working on a post for book #49, Playing for Keeps. This time, the hold up is not that the book is boring slog, but rather that it's so amazing and fun that I really want to take the time to do the recap up right. So, to coin a phrase: Sorry, not sorry? 

But to tide you over, something fun! A friend (and fellow-Marissa) shared this link with me on Facebook from Scary Mommy: 

‘Sweet Valley High’: 40 And Fabulous

In the article the author posits her ideas about what the Wakefield twins and their peers would be like at 40. 

Now I don't know if the OP on Scary Mommy is aware of this or not, but of course we all DID get a glimpse into the lives of the Wakefields & Co. in 2011's Sweet Valley Confidential: 10 Years Later. And of course, that's all canon and none of us were in any way dissatisfied with the choices Ms. Pascal made for the now 28-year-old twins and their friends and families.

LOL. 

In all honestly, I find Sweet Valley Confidential absolutely delicious, transgressive even. But it's not how I would have written it. So what's the harm in fan-fictioning it up a bit and imagining the twins – our twins, from the original books – as 40-year-olds?

Here's what Marissa wrote on my FB wall:

"This is how I imagine the twins' life at 40: Jessica can't be tied down. She's at the top of her game as a vice president at an elite boutique PR agencey, a jet-setter, and a wonderful aunt to her nieces. But, as her golden locks begin to fade to white, she can't help but feel like her life is missing something...

Elizabeth is a wonderful mom to her tween twins, sounding board for her sister, and wife to her husband of 15 years, Todd. But after her best friend Enid introduces her to a handsome and mysterious man from work, Liz starts to question whether or not she's truly happy in her 'comfortable' life."

I love all of that! But my favorite part of all was this last bit:

"Now you go. :)"

Oh my. Don't mind if I do take a stab at it! When thinking about what the twins would be like in the future, I definitely bring some baggage into the process. For one thing, I have spent a LOT of time – WAY too much time, and much more to go – thinking about these ridiculous people. For another, I am such an Elizabeth that I can hardly relate to Jessica, which makes me see Elizabeth's future as a little more like my own life (though I won't be 40 for a good long while) than either my friend or the Scary Mommy OP does. Finally, I went to high school in a pretty prototypical small town, and that colors my musings on what a small-town high school's top-dog (i.e., a Jessica) might choose to do with her life.

Without further ado, this is how I imagine the twins' life at 40: 

Jessica, having been the queen bee of Sweet Valley High, desperately clings to the image of herself as Sweet Valley royalty. She marries Brock Humphries, an all star from the SVU baseball team who ends up going pro; she tours with him during the MLB season for a few years, but once they get married she devotes herself to setting up house in a mansion that she fancies puts the Fowler Estate to shame – maybe not as large, but more tasteful and modern, less needlessly ostentatious. She has twins of her own, but boys (a relief to Jessica, who feels she "knows how to handle" boys) and becomes a PTA despot, ruling the moms of Sweet Valley in much the same way she ruled the cheerleading squad or Pi Beta Alpha. She reads a lot of romance novels and fantasizes about the pool boy, but she doesn't cheat on her husband despite his frequent absences – she's saving up her infidelity/ies for someone truly worthy of her, like a Hollywood film director who swears she doesn't look a day over 26, or the president of France. 

Elizabeth, after SVU, got her masters in journalism from Medill and started a newsmedia outlet that started out Politico but has turned a bit more Jezebel. She's gotten some great buyout offers but she's concerned about "selling out" (or at least that's what she tells people; the truth is, she's devoted her whole life to building this company and has no idea what she'd do next). The one big reason she's considered selling? She's 40 and childless – if she doesn't take action soon, childless she'll remain, and that's never what she pictured for herself. Her husband, Gerald Wakefield (née Flengerman), a moderately successful poet and more successful professor, is nominally supportive of Elizabeth's new motherhood plan, but (in a way Elizabeth has come to see as "typically male") he doesn't seem to fully understand the urgency or the complexity of the choice she faces.

Elizabeth and Jessica FaceTime on Sundays. Jessica gives Elizabeth lots of story ideas, which Elizabeth laughs off as gossip and hearsay but often later assigns to young staffers for further investigation. Each twin harbors both a resentment for and a quiet envy of the other's lifestyle.

By all means, please take Marissa's challenge to me as my challenge to you! Now YOU go! :) ...

42. Caught in the Middle

Is love enough to keep Sandra and Manuel together?

“Are you saying that your parents–” Elizabeth stared at Sandra. “Sandy, do you mean that you want to keep your relationship with Manuel a secret because your parents would object to the fact that he’s Mexican?” – p. 43 My senior year of high school, I wrote for our school newspaper's entertainment section – I reviewed movies and restaurants. Once when trying to convey the delightful authenticity of a local Mexican restaurant, I noted that I was greeted at the door by a "jolly Mexican gentleman." Our staff advisor (think Mr. Collins, only angry and less handsome) returned it to me with one edit. The quote above was circled in red, and written next to it was a note: "borderline racist."  These words sprang to mind when reading Caught in the Middle.  You see, I'm not sure there's a way to write about it without getting "borderline racist" stamped across the words. This book is about Sandra Bacon doing something her parents consider unthinkable: dating Manuel Lopez, a Mexican-American. The book itself minces around stereotypes of Mexicans by making them all positive: the Lopez family is huge, making their "cheerful, cluttered" house full of life, unlike Sandy's boring, stuffy home. They throw big family picnics and parties, warmly welcoming Sandy into their fold, while Sandy continually puts off telling her own parents about Manuel's existence, certain they'll disapprove and hurt his immense, macho pride. And don't forget the bold, colorful Mexican heritage fiesta that the town is throwing! It's going to be a festive, upbeat blast, even if the Bacons don't like it. So, while casting the racist Bacon parents as ignorant villains (the book refers to them as "ignorant" quite frequently), it still puts their racist opinions in print. To the Bacons, Mexicans in general are just "those people," "hot-tempered" and prone to "starting riots." Which, on second thought, sounds like kind of an abnormal stereotype. Maybe that's why the author puts aside the specifics of what the Bacons object to after the book's first chapters, leaving Mrs. Bacon to say only that "they're different from us." Okay, you get the idea. Sandy won't tell her racist parents that she's dating a Mexican-American, and Manuel really resents being kept a secret, especially since Sandy keeps trying and failing to come clean to her folks. When she tries, hypothetically asking “what if I fell in love with a Mexican-American?” her mom is no help:  “I have to say that I was thinking last night about what you asked me the other day, when you were talking about what would happen if you fell in love with a Mexican boy. I got so upset I couldn’t sleep. Sandy, if that really happened, I don’t know what I’d do.”  Yikes. Sandy even stops Liz from writing about the new couple in "Eyes and Ears" lest her parents read the article or hear about it through the grapevine. Liz is much chagrinned, but (of course) becomes Sandy's confidant.  Here's where things get good. Manuel wants to go for a ride on Sandy's boat, which Sandy dearly loves. She wants to take him, but knows her prying parents will ask where she'll be all day. Sandy's best friend Jean is tired of being asked to cover for Sandy & Manuel. In need of a new patsy, Sandy asks Liz to come with them on the boat ride, saying that Manuel wants to get to know Liz better. Liz thinks this is weird (because it is), but agrees. Sandy then tells Manuel that Liz really wants to come along. Manuel is bummed that Liz is crashing his romantic day, but he's a nice guy, so he obliges.  Are you still with me? Perfect! See, now Sandy can tell her parents that she's going to the lake with Liz, and it'll be true! Meanwhile, Manuel thinks Sandy's told her parents the whole truth at last. And perhaps everything would have gone off without a hitch, if it weren't for one huge, jaw-dropping, life-threatening hitch. The boat explodes. It starts as a simple engine problem. Sandy's not worried when she can't get the boat to start back up after sitting out in the lake for a while. But then there's an explosion, and Manuel and Liz are thrown into the water. But Sandy was tinkering with the engine when it exploded, and a piece of shrapnel knocked her unconscious. She's stuck on the boat! Manuel bravely rescues her, and swims her back to the dock, watching all the while that Liz is swimming safely. What a great guy! And surely now that he's saved their daughter's life, the Bacons will welcome Manuel with open arms! Alas, even half-conscious and badly burned (well, on her hands), Sandra can't give up her spineless crusade of secrecy. She actually asks Manuel to disappear, telling the police that it was just herself and Liz on the boat! After he saved her friggin life! Liz is not keen on going along with this plan, but she does anyway, because Sandy is right there, pleading with her to keep up the lie. The papers and everyone at school think that Liz saved Sandy's life, and that she's a hero — only Sandy, Manuel, and the Wakefield family know the truth.  I expected this charade to end with Liz coming clean to the public, unable to lie anymore for Sandy's sake. It would have been heroic, in a way. But no. Some witnesses saw Manuel slink off at the scene of the explosion (or someone like him; after all, how many young Hispanic men could there be in a Southern California town?). The cops pick him up, accusing him of somehow causing the explosion! Manuel maintains that he is innocent, so the police are forced to bring in Sandy...and her parents.  "Of course," we naively assume, "she's got to come clean about her romance now!" But still, no. This chick has the nerve to look Manuel in the face and say, "I've never seen him before in my life." For a moment, it looks like that's that, and they're ready to lock Manuel up without a trial. But then Manuel utters, "Sandy, how could you?"  Then Sandy starts to cry. Perhaps it was a result of the traumatic realization that her actions have consequences, something she seemed to be previously unaware of. She confesses to her parents, the cops, Manuel, even to Elizabeth, who's just slipped in, that she loves Manuel and all her lying was for their love's sake. She was ashamed of her parents ignorance, and knew they'd never treat Manuel with the kindness that his family has shown her. It's a nice speech, and it almost makes up for the fact that she practically let her boyfriend go to prison for attempted murder, instead of letting the public hail him as a hero. It works. Mrs. Bacon still seems to have some reservations, but she manages to keep from screaming and pointing at the riotous Mexican while her husband thanks him for saving Sandy's life, and announces that Manuel must be a pretty good guy after all.  I am not sure why, after all of this, Manuel still loves Sandy. She seems confused by that fact as well, but it's a happy confusion, and that's really all you need to get by in Sweet Valley.

Book 39’s Extended B-Story

Sorry for making you wait, but now that you're here, wouldn't you like to know about the hilarious B-Story from Secret Admirer? This is the REAL B-Story, not that "let's get back at Kirk by pretending this model wants to date him" nonsense. 

If you've been following along, you know that Sweet Valley High's newspaper, the Oracle, has introduced a new personals section. I'm not sure why anyone needs a dating service in a school that seems to have about 100 students, but that's neither here nor there. And it just so happens that some non-highschoolers receive the paper, too. Let's forget for a second that this is kind of depressing. It's critical to Jessica and Lila's plot. 

Because she is obsessed with dating, Jessica thinks the new personals section seems like a lark. Lila, however, thinks it seems desperate and doesn't care to date highschoolers at any rate. A minor argument over these points spirals into a competition between the two girls; they will both place ads, specify that they aren't interested in mere boys, and see who comes up with the hotter date.  The contest goes beyond mere luck-of-the-draw, however (thank you, mystery author!). Believe it or not, the girls have a more technical disagreement here, about what makes the most enticing personal ad. Jessica plans to make a call for the type of guy she wants; Lila plans to advertise what kind of girl they'll be getting. In the end, Jessica’s reads like a casting call for a date rapist (seriously) and Lila’s sounds like it’s describing someone truly awful (oh hey, it is!), but the plan is set in motion.

Jessica is thrilled when she receives a response from the sexy-sounding Paolo, who comes off like a real Casanova (this appeals to Jess of course). Sure she'll win the Battle of the Blind Dates, she starts counting the hours until she and Paolo will meet. 

Oops. Looks like Jessica left something out of her call for bachelors: "No Fatties.". Paolo is pleasant, interesting, smart, and he speaks Italian. Yet Jessica spends the entire date trying to figure out a way to go home early, because he's fat. How was she not prepared for this eventuality? I know this is Sweet Valley, but there must still be some statute of limitations on hot people per capita. The entire risk and benefit of personal ads hinges on the fact that you're attracted to something on paper, not approaching someone based just on their appearance. Duh. The days of rescue-calls on your cell phone still over a decade away, Jessica makes up a lie about feeling ill and escapes back home without being seen. Ladies and gentlemen, her feeble conscience:

She frowned as a little voice inside told her she’d just played a mean trick on a polite, friendly, and interesting boy. But she ignored the voice. After all, she couldn’t help it if she simply couldn’t stand to be around fat people.
-p. 79

Loudest possible groan! Jessica’s experience with Paolo makes her dubious of future match-ups, but she’s in luck, as another collegiate gentleman thinks it’s cool to hook up with 11th-graders, and this one is cute! Sure, this John character can’t quit asking her questions that seem tied with his sociology class, and he has to rush home to study rather than extending their date, but Jessica takes this in stride, even relishing his interview-style questions. She mentions that she likes “doing exciting things,” and John asks her to elaborate:

Jessica considered briefly. “I guess you could say I like a dare. I’ll do anything once – and I’ll do it again if I like it,” she added suggestively.
-p. 105

Suggestively indeed. After this disgusting display, Jessica’s sure she’s got John hooked. He has to run off and study, but they meet again at the university’s snack bar, where he asks her, “Jessica, what made you write that personal ad?” The date continues in this manner until John must excuse himself again, but not before agreeing to meet Jessica at a free beach concert on Saturday. She’ll introduce him to Lila, and their secret contest will be as good as won. And even though John says he can’t come to the dance with her that night, Jessica thinks she’ll be able to persuade him on the spot.

Come Saturday, both Lila and Jessica feel confident that their respective dates will be found superior. They’ve filled in half the cheerleading squad, who will come along and serve as additional judges. “Of course, they had to be subtle enough so that the two boys didn’t know they were being compared like prize livestock,” our wonderful author chimes in on page 126. Walking toward the beach, they realize that their dates have the same name, John. Well, it is a common name. Then they each spot their man. They have spotted the same man, and he’s surrounded by a whole bunch of other girls. He’s standing next to a girl whom he introduces to the crowd as “Faye, my partner on my sociology project. And my girlfriend.” Uh-oh! Turns out that John was dating as many girls from personal ads as he could, all in the name of science. “You see, I wanted to see how people presented themselves in personal ads, and what they thought was appealing about themselves, so I answered all of your ads.”

Ha ha! The mean girls get their comeuppance…as do a lot of presumably nice girls. I hope that John’s not hoping to publish his research, because an ethics committee would have a field day with his selection methods, his procedure, and (most of all) his debriefing process. Yikes! Cara laughingly declares that Lila and Jessica are both winners, but we know better.

There's one more thing about this book that managed to sneak up on me: it's #39. That means the next book is #40. What happens in Book 40, you ask? Well, you can certainly do a little Internet research and find out, but those of you who are versed in your Sweet Valley lore can read the context clues in a quote that comes near the end of this book:

“What’s [Bruce] working on, do you know?”

“Some oral report he’s been really wrapped up in,” Regina answered hesitantly.

“Isn’t that nice.” Jessica kept her eyes fixed on her own reflection, but her mind was rapidly going over the students she had seen the the gym just moments before. Was Amy Sutton there? She had been with them at the beach, but now that Jessica thought about it, she couldn’t remember seeming Amy at the dance...Could Amy’s plan to snare Bruce actually be working?

Uh oh.

39. Secret Admirer

Who is Penny’s secret love?           THIS IS REAL.

"When I see what kind of response this draws, I'll know whether there are really any boys around here with some imagination. Then we'll see." - Penny, p. 30 When I started Book 39, I tweeted sardonically to the masses: "Finally! A book about Penny Ayala!" And certainly, the book seemed doomed to lameness, much like Penny herself. But this is a book where the main character sells herself short, and I did the same to Secret Admirer. It is, in fact, the most well-written book of the series thus far. As you may know, the Sweet Valley novels are ghostwritten. The bulk of what we know and love/hate about the books comes from a "plot bible" written by Francine Pascal, but the books themselves are written by other people, people who may or may not be named Kate William. During my St. Martin's meeting, we learned that the first Sweet Valley Twins novel was ghostwritten by Ann M. Martin. Seriously. Whoever penned Secret Admirer was a golden god. Granted, it shouldn't be too hard to make the story of the Oracle's new personals section scandalous and interesting, but our writer went beyond interesting into the realm of true style. For starters, there are at least three, and perhaps as many as FIVE storylines here (as opposed to the traditional two; see sidebar). The main one is about, yes, Oracle editor Penny Ayala. Penny doesn't really know much about attracting guys and (better yet) she doesn't care to attract one just for kicks. She does, however, long (secretly) for someone intelligent and interesting to love. Someone who doesn't care what she looks like. Someone who'd still like her for her mind even if she was some kind of hunchback.  Literally, she pretends to be a hunchback. She writes an extremely tongue-in-cheek, smart-but-guarded personal ad, knowing that any guy who responds will be more interested in meeting someone with a smart sense of humor than attracting a shallow beauty. It's a genius plan, except for one thing: This is high school. Boys are stupid.  Enter that jerk Kirk Anderson (see the previous entry's "B Story"). Kirk's got a posse of guys eager to follow his confident lead, and the gang is eating up the new Oracle personals section. Heartily amused by Penny's strange and clever letter, but of course unaware of who wrote it, they (mostly Kirk) decide to engage her with clever responses, penned by Anderson devotee (and former Jessica-dater) Neil Freemount. Neil, you may recall, is the only person Kirk knew at SVH before coming to the school, but this obligatory friendship doesn’t sit so well with Neil, who is starting to think that the confident Kirk might not be so great. But for now, he’s part of the club, and as a studious fellow, he replies with gusto and flair to “Quasimodo’s” personal ad. Here’s one of my favorite examples of the unexpectedly poetic writing Book 39 is full of. Jessica sees Kirk and the gang fawning over the school paper and wonders what they’re up to. We read, “She looked over her shoulder for a moment, caught a glimpse of Neil Freemount in Kirk’s orbit, and felt a twinge of surprise.” Orbit? Twinge? I love you, book. I love you for not saying “next to” and “felt surprised.” Thanks for caring, book. Penny is, of course, a lovely girl that is only avoided by boys because her intelligence and maturity makes her unapproachable. It’s a problem, let me tell you. As our writer puts it on page 12, “Penny Ayala had a pretty face and was tall and thin, but she didn’t take pains with her appearance. She was always dressed neatly. But she didn’t use any makeup or wear flattering styles.” What is this blasphemy, Penny?!? It seems a little nutty, but add to this the fact that Penny is awkward and weird around most guys, and we’ve got a real situation on our hands. So much so that when Penny and the Kirk Cabal agree (via letters) to meet at the mall, Kirk is in stitches upon seeing her. (“‘Can you imagine going out with her? You’d probably end up writing a term paper on dates!’ ‘Or reading War and Peace!’”) Of course, he and his troops are hidden from Penny’s sight, so she just thinks she’s been stood up. She’s heartbroken nonetheless, and Neil (who was NOT so disappointed to see pretty-faced, tall, thin, smart Penny at the food court) feels like total dog meat. And rightly so. What a dick. Consumed by guilt and kind of in love with “Quasimodo,” who he now knows is really Penny, Neil apologizes in letter form without Kirk’s knowlegde, makes up a reason why she was stood up, and begs her to meet him at the Dairi Burger for a second chance. Neil does right by Penny and himself by telling Kirk et al (who are also there, of course) to shove off, and by telling Penny the truth about how the letters were meant as a prank, but ended up touching his heart, and maybe his crotch a little. He doesn’t say the crotch part, but we’re talking about a 17-year-old boy here, so I’m making inferences. Context clues, people. Everybody’s happy! You want more quotes? I’ve got ‘em this time, folks. I like to think they’re all a little special, hinting at a deeper understanding of the characters and readers on the part of our author. For example, when Elizabeth finds out that Kirk is behind the letters to Penny, she conspires with Enid and Jessica to teach Kirk a lesson. My first thought? “Enid and who now? Jessica hates Enid! And vice versa!” But look how this is handled: “Jessica grinned back at [Enid]. Their mutual antagonism dissolved as their overpowering dislike of Kirk Anderson and his arrogance forged a truce between the two girls.” Mmmm, mutual antagonism. It tastes like sweet wine on my tongue. I’m going to make a t-shirt to wear around town as a testament to this moment in prose. How about a funny quote? I like this description of what’s happening at the beach on a weekday afternoon: “Bill Chase and Ken Matthews were waxing their surfboards; cheerleaders Jean West and Sandra Bacon were also there working on their tans, as all of the cheerleaders did when there wasn’t practice.” :D Yep, cheerleaders love tans. I’m saving some more quotes for Part 2 of the Book 39 entry. Yes, there’s a Part 2. There’s a whole other chunk of this story that I haven’t even mentioned yet! But I will leave you with a little story of deviousness that taught Kirk Anderson a lesson…kind of. As usual, everyone’s preparing for yet another dance at the end of this book, and Elizabeth (with Enid and Jessica, as mentioned earlier) plot to spoil Kirk’s evening. They use some photos of a model named Erica Hall to pique Kirk’s interest, telling him she’s a cousin of the Wakefields who’ll be in town the weekend of the dance. Kirk takes the bait, and tells Liz to set them up. Liz thoroughly warns Kirk that her cousin is fickle at best and might not even want to go to the dance with him, but he’s confident that one glance at his picture will have her yearning for more Kirk. Elizabeth devilishly calls Kirk later that week telling him Erica would love to go with him, but again warning that it might not be a good idea, as Erica is kind of unpredictable. Unshaken, Kirk seals his own dance-night doom. Of course, Erica was never coming to the dance. The girls didn’t even know her, much less invite her to date Kirk. Ha-ha. I’m sure the girls meant to knock Kirk down a peg, and maybe they succeeded, but the main lesson here may be that vengeance is sweet. And getting stood up sucks. Oh, and that girls can be liars too. More wisdom from a divine sage.